Comedy Corner

[Quijote]

British judges and consumption of claret

I mean, this has just got to be on the Comedy Corner thread!
So, according to this article (see link after), many UK judges at the Old Bailey enjoy a 'few glasses' of claret before they return to their afternoon court sessions. I always knew it!! Let's all raise a glass to Judge Cocklecarrot and his ilk. Ban drink driving, but allow the judges to imbibe. Priceless!
By the way, the word 'claret' (meaning for Anglos red Bordeaux wine) derives from the French 'clairet', which is in fact a sort of heavy rosé wine. Anyway, here's the link:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/law/2012/n...htime-drinking

[Sorrano]

Indeed! So if drinking impairs judgment while driving.....

[Quijote]

Tell you what Sorrano, come the revolution, there will be several 'echelons' of functioning society that I will happily be machine-gunning! Here's my list (I'm in a belligerent Stalinist mood, having had a poor day teaching Secondary Sevenths):
a) Judges,
b) Priests (all denominations, no exceptions. Well, I'll let off the Jains, an esoteric branch of Hinduism whose 'orthodox' practitioners walk around nude and won't hurt a fly),
c) Civil servants,
d) Psychiatrists,
e) Tabloid journalists,
f) Middle management sales executives,
g) Setters of classical music teasers.

That'll do for today.
Pass the claret, would you?

[Quijote]

I forgot to add all owners of Bösendorfer pianos. Steinway and Yamaha owners are the salt of the earth, and will be spared.

[Quijote]

All the above is the Gospel according to Don Quijote. A true saint, if ever I met one.

[Quijote]

This is the Comedy Corner, guys 'n gals ...

[Sorrano]

Sounds like you need a little resolution, Quijote. Maybe something a little less dominant. :-)

(Perhaps that is what the tonic is for.)

[Quijote]

Thanks for the 'tonic' suggestion, Sorrano, I took it with some gin!
Nah, I'm in a better mood today, not least for having managed to wangle my way out of a tax bill !!!!

[Quijote]

May I add another category to my 'hit list' above?
Tax collectors !!
I should also remove Bösendorfer owners from the list, as it has just occurred to me that Bruckner had one!!
Thanks, Anton, for the reminder (he came to me in a dream the other night; he wanted to dictate his final thoughts on his 9th; I'll be damned if I could get it all down on paper ...)

[Quijote]

Ah, tax collectors! Has such a biblical tone to it, no?
Must dash, I'm trying to get through an eye of a needle ...

[Sorrano]

Ah, tax collectors! Has such a biblical tone to it, no?
Must dash, I'm trying to get through an eye of a needle ...

You don't smell like a camel to me!

[Quijote]

Camels? Nah, I smoke Marlboro Lights, Sorrano !!!!
At 6.60€ a pack, I'm going to need to start thinking about quitting smoking again ...

[Quijote]

Mais tu n'est pas fumeur, Sorrano, et donc peut-être tu n'a pas compris ma blaque concernant les Camels!!

[Sorrano]

Camels? Nah, I smoke Marlboro Lights, Sorrano !!!!
At 6.60€ a pack, I'm going to need to start thinking about quitting smoking again ...

Have you heard the saying, "I'd walk a mile for a camel?" We used to add, "And then I would ride it back."

I did not quite get the post in French, though. Sorry!

[Megan]

In the locker room

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.



MAN: "Hello"



WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"



MAN: "Yes."



WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"



MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."



WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."



MAN: "How much?"



WOMAN: "$90,000."



MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."



WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."



MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."



WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"



MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."



The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in complete astonishment, mouths wide open.



He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"



.