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Old 01-31-2010, 05:03 PM   #161
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Right:

Jean-Paul Sartre visited a cafe and ordered a coffee. "Sugar, no cream" he stipulated. The waitress came back to inform him that they were out of cream. She asked: "Would it be okay without milk?"
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Old 01-31-2010, 11:07 PM   #162
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Right:

Jean-Paul Sartre visited a cafe and ordered a coffee. "Sugar, no cream" he stipulated. The waitress came back to inform him that they were out of cream. She asked: "Would it be okay without milk?"
Not bad. In Paris (in the existentialist 40s-50s, la limite maybe even the early 60s) they never served coffee with cream. Maybe they did in Vienna, or perhaps Dublin. Who is to say?

Last edited by Quijote; 01-31-2010 at 11:08 PM. Reason: Eras, epochs and periods, a historian's nightmare
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Old 06-09-2010, 12:53 PM   #163
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All this talk of "spirituality" on the main forum reminds me of a joke. Here it is :

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said : Stop, don’t do it !
Why shouldn’t I ? he asked.
Well, there’s so much to live for !
Like what ?
Are you religious, or even spiritual ?
He said Yes .
I said : Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist ?
Christian.
Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant ?
Protestant.
Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist ?
Baptist.
Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord ?
Baptist Church of God.
Incredible. Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God ?
Reformed Baptist Church of God.
That’s incredible. Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Church of God, Reformation of 1915 ?
He said : Reformed Church of God, Reformation of 1915.
I said : Die, heretic scum, and pushed him off the bridge.
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Old 06-09-2010, 02:01 PM   #164
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Apologies for the "christian" slant to the joke. You can of course adapt it to your various audiences, be they Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Jewish or any other of the several hundred "belief systems" currently available.
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Old 06-10-2010, 03:12 AM   #165
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Have you heard the one about the agnostic dyslectic insomniac?

He lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog or not ...................
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Old 06-10-2010, 06:08 PM   #166
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Have you heard the one about the agnostic dyslectic insomniac?
Sey! Dgo - ah ah! Evry unnfy!
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Old 06-11-2010, 03:26 PM   #167
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Smile Hitler hears Trolololo song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqxIZD4phJw
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Old 06-12-2010, 05:37 AM   #168
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A man walks into a pastry shop and orders 5 pies, 3 sausage rolls and 2 cakes. As he leaves the shop he stumbles across a homeless man on the footpath who says, "I haven't eaten for two days", to which the man with the pastries replies;
"I wish I had your willpower"!!!
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Old 06-14-2010, 06:23 PM   #169
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Talking

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Have you heard the one about the agnostic dyslectic insomniac?

He lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog or not ...................
Very good, as usual!
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Old 06-14-2010, 10:13 PM   #170
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Very good, as usual!
Ouy reven knaht em, od ouy? T'nod ouy ekil ym sekoj?

Last edited by Quijote; 06-14-2010 at 10:17 PM. Reason: Tahw?
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Old 06-14-2010, 10:50 PM   #171
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Excellent. This reminds me of a 7-day stint I did some years ago as pit 'cellist playing in some awful operetta or other (Merry Wives of Windsor?). I believe it was Hitler's favourite, after Wagner of course.

Last edited by Quijote; 06-14-2010 at 10:51 PM. Reason: "Pit" as in orchestra pit, not pit-bull 'cellist, I'll have you know
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Old 06-15-2010, 02:31 AM   #172
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Jack: Just bought a hearing-aid for two euro!

Jill: What kind is it?

Jack: Quarter past ten.
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Old 06-20-2010, 07:38 PM   #173
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Cool

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Ouy reven knaht em, od ouy? T'nod ouy ekil ym sekoj?
on, i sseug i t'nod! AH! (ylno gnidik)
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Old 08-26-2010, 02:37 PM   #174
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Question: What did Peter the Great, Ivan the Terrible and Attila the Hun have in common?

Answer: The same middle name.

(It's the way I tell them.)
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Old 08-26-2010, 02:56 PM   #175
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woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."


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Old 08-26-2010, 06:02 PM   #176
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After that, I don't feel so bad about my joke, Megan.
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Old 08-26-2010, 06:05 PM   #177
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After that, I don't feel so bad about my joke, Megan.
How very dare you dear Michael, insult a womans best efforts ..
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:32 AM   #178
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I return temporarily to earth, having watched the debates rage over "culture", "education" and er, other "issues".
To help lighten things up, please click on the link below. A 400-year western art music history course in about 9 minutes. Even Peter would be hard pressed to beat that.

Here it is :

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXhAz0DOpMU
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Old 09-08-2010, 01:26 PM   #179
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I return temporarily to earth, having watched the debates rage over "culture", "education" and er, other "issues".
To help lighten things up, please click on the link below. A 400-year western art music history course in about 9 minutes. Even Peter would be hard pressed to beat that.

Here it is :

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXhAz0DOpMU
I know how to prise you out!!
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Old 09-10-2010, 11:21 PM   #180
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I know how to prise you out!!
You didn't, Bonn did. Never mind. What about the YouTube link? Surely, a musical overview of the last 400 hundred years in about 9 minutes beats you hands down, nicht war?
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Old 09-11-2010, 09:35 AM   #181
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You didn't, Bonn did. Never mind. What about the YouTube link? Surely, a musical overview of the last 400 hundred years in about 9 minutes beats you hands down, nicht war?
Very good, but not quite 400 years - it started with J.S.Bach, nicht wahr??
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Old 09-11-2010, 06:11 PM   #182
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Nah, you did tempt me back, I just didn't want to give you (shared) credit. I am doing so now. What about the piece that features in the link I gave above? I found it a great piece of entertainment. Now don't you go and tell me that you didn't "appreciate" their take on Beethoven...
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Old 09-12-2010, 07:21 AM   #183
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Nah, you did tempt me back, I just didn't want to give you (shared) credit. I am doing so now. What about the piece that features in the link I gave above? I found it a great piece of entertainment. Now don't you go and tell me that you didn't "appreciate" their take on Beethoven...
It was very clever and amusing, like yourself!
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Old 09-12-2010, 11:36 AM   #184
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It was very clever and amusing, like yourself!
Well, if you're being tongue-in-cheek I'll see you in Hades. If not, who shall I make the cheque out to?
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Old 12-07-2011, 05:51 PM   #185
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A few Christmas tips.



Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you don't want.


.
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Old 12-08-2011, 06:58 AM   #186
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A few Christmas tips.



Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you don't want.


.
Excellent advice Megan!
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Old 12-15-2011, 12:44 PM   #187
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Thumbs up

There are no females in heaven. Here's biblical proof!

Apocalypse (Revelation) 8:1
And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven, as it were for half an hour.



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Old 12-16-2011, 10:14 AM   #188
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There are no females in heaven. Here's biblical proof!

Apocalypse (Revelation) 8:1
And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven, as it were for half an hour.



Oh no that means John cage's 4'33 is repeated at least 6 times!
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Old 12-16-2011, 01:12 PM   #189
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See, it's an inspired work!
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Old 12-17-2011, 05:07 AM   #190
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Old 12-20-2011, 02:18 AM   #191
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A string walked into a bar and climbed up onto a stool. The bartender came over and said,"Hey you! We don't serve strings in here. Get out!" The string got down and went outside where he wound himself up into a tight ball and rubbed himself back and forth on the rough concrete. Then he went back into the bar and climbed up onto the stool again. The bartender immediately said, "Aren't you the string who was in here a minute ago?" The string said, "No, I'm afraid not."
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Old 01-20-2012, 08:01 PM   #192
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i just thought of one that is cracking me up:

Q: What is the difference between a countertenor and a sopranist (male soprano)?
A: One has a tiny bit of masculinity left!
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Old 01-22-2012, 07:58 AM   #193
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im not trying to brag on my own joke, but somebody has to think that is funny? or is it that bad? im confused now. i thought it was quite a good one.
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Old 08-28-2012, 02:56 PM   #194
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You know how certain musicians' stage gestures can annoy us (Nigel Kennedy, Ling Lang...), so here's a 'cellist who's a pretty good impersonator. Check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC5TQ...eature=related
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Old 08-29-2012, 01:24 PM   #195
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Quote:
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You know how certain musicians' stage gestures can annoy us (Nigel Kennedy, Ling Lang...), so here's a 'cellist who's a pretty good impersonator. Check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC5TQ...eature=related
Thanks for that; I needed a good laugh this morning. Currently I do not have the sound turned on, so it's really quite funny to watch that way. Yo Yo Ma was probably the funniest to watch.
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Old 09-04-2012, 10:20 PM   #196
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Thanks for that; I needed a good laugh this morning. Currently I do not have the sound turned on, so it's really quite funny to watch that way. Yo Yo Ma was probably the funniest to watch.
Ah Sorrano, you've got to actually listen to his impersonations, at least for the Casals. With the Casals impersonation, it's not so much visual as aural. A cruel impersonation, with a slight element of truth : intonation !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 09-14-2012, 04:20 PM   #197
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A man and his dog walk into a talent agents office.
"All right, lets make this quick, I'm a busy man so what's your talent?" asks the agent.
The man says, "Its not me sir, its my dog -- he talks!"
"Yeah, right," says the agent. "I don't have time for this so get out of here before I throw you out."
"No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it."
He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find...on top of a house?"
"Roof!" says the dog, wagging his tail.
"Listen, pal..." says the agent.
"Wait," says the man, "I'll ask another question."
He turns to the dog again and asks, "How does sandpaper feel?"
"Rough!" exclaims the dog.
"Quit wasting my time and get out of here," says the agent.
"One more chance," pleads the man. Turning to the dog again, he asks, "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest composer that ever lived?"
"Bach!" says the dog.
"Okay, that's it!" says the agent, and forces the man and the dog out the door and slams it after them.
Turning to the man, the dogs shrugs and says:
"Maybe I should have said Beethoven?"
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Old 09-14-2012, 05:03 PM   #198
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Here's a hilarious take on the Fifth:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzXoV...&feature=share
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Old 09-15-2012, 01:24 PM   #199
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Here's a hilarious take on the Fifth:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzXoV...&feature=share
I watched that. I have to say that some of the musicians looked not to pleased with the idea!

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Old 09-18-2012, 08:33 AM   #200
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An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum
> with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as
> no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.


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