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Old 10-31-2009, 04:42 PM   #121
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I had totally forgotten about this thread. I wonder why?
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Old 11-06-2009, 02:40 PM   #122
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I had totally forgotten about this thread. I wonder why?
Perhaps because you need "Oh, [un] baby comme Bach"?
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Old 11-09-2009, 04:59 AM   #123
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Whilst waiting for my evening out with the Marmara Trio, I thought it was time for a sketch.

An Administrator and sadistic Headmaster : Peter
A crook and utter charlatan : Michael
A crazed former 'cellist and violent madman : Philip
Ludwig van Beethoven : Himself

Scene : Beethoven's apartment, somewhere in Vienna, c. 1808

LvB : Welcome, Gentlemen, come in! Wine, anyone?
All : Yes!
LvB : So, you scoundrels, what are we going to talk about this evening?
Michael : Well, Louis, take a look at this article in the Vienna Musical Times! A new art work!
Peter : Utter crap!
Philip : Simply sublime!
Peter : No, it isn't.
Philip : Yes, it is.
Peter : No.
Philip : Yes.
[Goes on in a similar vein for several hours ...]
LvB : Zzzz
Michael : Hic ...

Fin.
*laughing so hard* I can imagine it hehehehe! Nice one philip!
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Old 11-09-2009, 01:17 PM   #124
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Perhaps because you need "Oh, [un] baby comme Bach"?
Handel be bach in a minuet.
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Old 11-11-2009, 12:47 AM   #125
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Offenbach even sooner.
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Old 11-15-2009, 05:04 PM   #126
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Offenbach even sooner.
To be absolutely franck, I can't handel this liszt. I'm going into haydn. I'll come out in time for my Xmas chopin.
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Old 11-17-2009, 10:08 PM   #127
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To be absolutely franck, I can't handel this liszt. I'm going into haydn. I'll come out in time for my Xmas chopin.
Excellent. I still prefer your Descartes joke. Still, I give you 8/10 for this one.
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Old 11-17-2009, 10:09 PM   #128
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Handel be bach in a minuet.
7/10. Good work, keep it up.
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Old 11-17-2009, 10:41 PM   #129
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Message to PDG : your absence is lamentable. Pull your socks up. Oh baby come back!

Last edited by Quijote; 11-17-2009 at 10:42 PM. Reason: No reason, this time
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Old 11-17-2009, 10:43 PM   #130
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Originally Posted by susanwen View Post
Offenbach even sooner.
Apologies Susanwen, I forgot your contribution. 6/10. Shows promise, but see me after class.
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Old 11-19-2009, 01:09 PM   #131
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Beethoven walked into a bar one day, and started swearing loudly.
You see, it was an iron bar .................................................. ...............
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Old 11-27-2009, 07:58 PM   #132
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wait a minute I don't get it.. I might be right or not. Beethoven used a iron rod in order to hear the vibrations with his teeth on piano. I'm thinking that iron bar meant? O_o
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Old 12-03-2009, 04:08 PM   #133
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One day Beethoven walks into a bar with Réné Descartes. They both order a beer and drink them quickly. The scene quickly unfolds ...

Barman : "Another one, Herr van Beethoven?"
LvB : What do you think, cretin? Give me a slice of roast veal to go with it.
Barman : Ahem, quite... Monsieur Descartes? Another one?
Descartes : I'm not sure, I must cogitate.
LvB : Not here, you won't, dirty French pig. Go outside and do it.
Haydn (who has just entered the bar) : Ah, Ludwig! Where are the counterpoint exercises I asked you to do?
LvB : Scram, old man!
Haydn : Oh dear, such an unlicked bear...
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Old 12-03-2009, 08:58 PM   #134
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A little IQ quiz for your delectation :

Please provide the missing letter (marked as "?") :

? d t q c
s s h n d
o d t q q
s d d d v

Last edited by Quijote; 12-03-2009 at 09:00 PM.
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Old 12-03-2009, 09:18 PM   #135
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And now another one for the dedicated "Beethoven freaks" on this forum :

Please complete the following sequence (??) :
Dm / FM / AM / FM / Cm / BFM / EFM / DM / ??
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Old 12-03-2009, 09:25 PM   #136
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Philip View Post
And now another one for the dedicated "Beethoven freaks" on this forum :

Please complete the following sequence (??) :
Dm / FM / AM / FM / Cm / BFM / EFM / DM / ??
CM ?
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Old 12-03-2009, 09:58 PM   #137
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CM ?
Too easy for you, Michèlle! And the first IQ question?
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Old 12-03-2009, 10:08 PM   #138
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I can see your little green light is on, Michael (indicating you're on-line). Come on, get counting !!
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Old 12-03-2009, 10:27 PM   #139
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I can see your little green light is on, Michael (indicating you're on-line). Come on, get counting !!
My little green light went out years ago. I tried the obvious - converting the letters to numbers - but I still can't get it. Save it for the maths buffs. I am sending out a distress call (column one, reading downwards).
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Old 12-03-2009, 10:34 PM   #140
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My little green light went out years ago. I tried the obvious - converting the letters to numbers - but I still can't get it. Save it for the maths buffs. I am sending out a distress call (column one, reading downwards).
You can do it, Michael, I have faith in you. See my private message to you for a little clue. When you find the solution, don't explain why, OK?
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Old 12-03-2009, 10:36 PM   #141
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My little green light went out years ago. I tried the obvious - converting the letters to numbers - but I still can't get it. Save it for the maths buffs. I am sending out a distress call (column one, reading downwards).
You have found the solution, Michael. In fact, you just said it. Look back carefully at what you just said (about converting letters to numbers) !!!!! Think in French !!! Did you ever do French at school?

Last edited by Quijote; 12-03-2009 at 10:39 PM.
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Old 12-03-2009, 10:53 PM   #142
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Zut! Michael's green light has just gone off. Oh, alright, I'll give you the English version of my little IQ test. Please find the missing letter (marked as "?") :

? t t f f
s s e n t
e t t f f
s s e n t

Geddit?
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Old 12-03-2009, 11:15 PM   #143
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Philip View Post
Zut! Michael's green light has just gone off. Oh, alright, I'll give you the English version of my little IQ test. Please find the missing letter (marked as "?") :

? t t f f
s s e n t
e t t f f
s s e n t

Geddit?
Nah. I'm too tired and I hate numbers. You'll have to send me the answer. I thought this was supposed to be a comedy corner? Well, in the words of a dying composer: "Applaud, friends, the comedy is over!"
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Old 12-03-2009, 11:41 PM   #144
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[...]I thought this was supposed to be a comedy corner? Well, in the words of a dying composer: "Applaud, friends, the comedy is over!"
Fair enough. I did think I would launch a new thread (IQ quizzes?) but I thought that might have put people off. So I thought the Comedy Corner to be the most appropriate place. Sorry.
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Old 12-03-2009, 11:43 PM   #145
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Not only am I a pedant, I like quizzes, crosswords and play chess. And am forever on the hunt for "forbidden" parallel fifths. Can you redeem me? Please?

Last edited by Quijote; 12-03-2009 at 11:45 PM. Reason: Please?
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Old 12-04-2009, 12:32 AM   #146
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O, I've finally got it!
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Old 12-04-2009, 02:18 PM   #147
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael View Post
Beethoven walked into a bar one day, and started swearing loudly.
You see, it was an iron bar .................................................. ...............
Beethoven walked into a bar one day and got all sticky - it was a chocolate bar.
That night he walked into another bar - it was a bar of music (he was having a surreal dream).
Bar none, these are the weakest jokes I have ever posted...
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Old 12-04-2009, 04:47 PM   #148
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You should be barred from this forum!
Anyway, glad to know you're still alive!
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Old 12-04-2009, 11:16 PM   #149
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O, I've finally got it!
I'm replying to my own post here. I hope I haven't given the game away. Philip, in case you think I stayed up all night trying to solve your riddle, I didn't. I'm very, very slow at puzzles but, like Beethoven, I keep worrying at a thing until I get it right.
Ignore my remarks about this being a comedy thread. Keep the puzzles coming but, in my case, it may take a few weeks before I can solve them!
(If they are Beethoven related, I may be a bit quicker because I eat, drink and ....... Ludwig van.)

Last edited by Michael; 01-02-2010 at 10:45 PM.
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Old 12-07-2009, 09:39 AM   #150
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The Irish Banker's Accounting Committee has announced some new accounting Acronyms:

EBITDA = Earnings Before I Tricked The Dumb Auditor
EBIT = Earnings Before Irregularities and Tampering
CEO = Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO = Corporate Fraud Officer
NAV = Normal Andersen Valuation
EPS = Eventual Prison Sentence



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Old 12-07-2009, 01:19 PM   #151
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The Irish Banker's Accounting Committee has announced some new accounting Acronyms:

EBIT = Earnings Before Irregularities and Tampering
Ha ha, my company talks about EBIT all the time.
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Old 01-02-2010, 05:56 AM   #152
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"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual."
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Old 01-02-2010, 10:47 PM   #153
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"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual."
Which reminds me of a similar joke which I may have posted already, but I'm too tired to check:

"Doc, I keep dreaming about Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy"
"And how long have you been having those disney spells?"
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Old 01-23-2010, 05:16 PM   #154
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A dear friend of mine (pianist, he is) and fellow partner in musical crime (composition students we were) has sent me some jokes knocking 'cellists. I repeat them for your delectation here :

Q : How do you get 'cellists to play ff?
A : Mark the score pp expressivo.

Q : How do you get two 'cellists to play in unison?
A : Shoot one of them.

I suppose you all find that funny, do you?
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Old 01-23-2010, 05:23 PM   #155
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And so, in revenge, I have some anti-pianist jokes for my delectation.

Q : Why are piano keys in black and white?
A : Because pianists have no sense of (sotto voce : tone) colour.

Q : Why are pianists jealous of 'cellists?
A : Because 'cellists have something worth talking about between their legs.

Oh yes, I have many more where these come from.
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Old 01-23-2010, 05:25 PM   #156
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Indeed, Phillip!

Q: How is lightning like a cellist's fingers?
A: Neither one strikes in the same place twice.
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Old 01-23-2010, 05:33 PM   #157
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Revenge, cursèd violinist, is a plate best eaten cold ...
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Old 01-25-2010, 09:07 PM   #158
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My dear friend and partner in crime (see above) has had the nerve to send me this joke :
Q : How do you know when a 'cellist is playing out of tune?
A : When the bow is moving.

We will reply in due course.
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Old 01-26-2010, 01:01 AM   #159
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I can't remember if I already posted this, and I can't be bothered checking.

Guy goes into the doctor.
Guy: I've been feeling very peculiar lately.
Doc: Can you describe the symptoms?
Guy: Huh? ..... sure .....Homer is bald and yellow and Marge has blue hair .....
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Old 01-27-2010, 05:58 PM   #160
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Music related!

It's humorous reading these two quotes in this order:

Quote:
There is one god -- Bach -- and Mendelssohn is his prophet. -- Hector Berlioz

Berlioz is a regular freak, without a vestige of talent. -- Felix Mendelssohn
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