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Old 09-06-2008, 07:36 PM   #41
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Nice, Philip! Now, if I could only play like Czerny!
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Old 09-13-2008, 02:37 PM   #42
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Nice, Philip! Now, if I could only play like Czerny!
What, you mean too fast and showy, and with total disrespect of the score? Surely not!
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Old 09-14-2008, 07:48 AM   #43
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Smile

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What, you mean too fast and showy, and with total disrespect of the score? Surely not!
Didn't know you were that old to remember having heard Czerny!
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Old 09-19-2008, 03:31 PM   #44
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Didn't know you were that old to remember having heard Czerny!
For your insolence, a very special rôle in the next Act of my epic play. First, like many other creative people, I need to take some "ether" to stimulate my muse. I shall commence now.

Last edited by Quijote; 09-19-2008 at 03:32 PM. Reason: Trying to find a bottle
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Old 09-20-2008, 12:48 AM   #45
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For your insolence, a very special rôle in the next Act of my epic play. First, like many other creative people, I need to take some "ether" to stimulate my muse. I shall commence now.
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Old 09-20-2008, 09:15 PM   #46
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Whilst my muse is temporarily absent, a little joke poking fun at viola players, who fellow orchestral players will know are not overly intelligent :

A young up-and-coming professional viola player gets his first taste of orchestral playing, and is sat next to the section's ancient / veteran principle 1st desk viola player.

At each rehearsal and actual performance, the younger musician notes how the veteran player always follows a certain "ritual", i.e. : he takes out a piece of old and crumpled paper from his breast pocket, reads what is written on it very attentively, refolds the paper and places it back in his pocket, takes his bow and begins to play, as per the conductor's cue.

This scenario repeats itself over a period of several months whilst the younger player learns to take his position in the orchestra.

One day, unable to suppress his curiosity, the younger viola player asks the veteran :

"Why, Herr Schmitt, do you always take out that old bit of paper and read it before you play?"

Old veteran replies : "Very simple, young man : on the paper are written important instructions".

"Oh yes?" replies the younger player. "Can I see?"

Veteran gives paper to younger player. Younger player reads : "Take bow in your right hand. Hold viola with your left hand."

QED.

We 'cellists hold violinists in the same esteem, by the way.

Last edited by Quijote; 09-20-2008 at 11:03 PM.
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Old 10-04-2008, 08:58 PM   #47
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I feel it is time for the next Act.

So, Beethoven’s apartment, Vienna, circa 1826 – dinnertime.

LvB : Himself
Schuppanzigh (fat violinist) : Philip
Dr Bach (B’s lawyer) : Chris
Frau Schnapps (B’s housekeeper) : Joy
The Immortal Beloved (“IB”) : Angel
Ries (student) : Dorell
Clemens von Metternich : Peter
Schindler (“The Swindler”) : Michael
Franz Schubert : Sorrano
Susan McClary (feminist musicologist) : PDG

Schuppanzigh : Louis, these late quartets are unplayable !
LvB : Eh? Vot did you say?
Schindler : Don’t get him started, for the love of Christ !
LvB : Did you say Christ? Hah, I got him bang to rights in my Missa, nicht war?
IB : Louis darling, write me a song with guitar accompaniment, will you?
LvB : Are you kidding !? I haven’t been paid for the bloody Hammerklavier yet ! Hey, Herr Bach, you money-grubbing lawyer, go and sue that bastard Haslinger!
Dr Bach : With pleasure, Herr Beethoven.
Frau Schnapps : Dinner is served.
LvB : Well Gentlemen, let us see what the foul hag has prepared…
Ries : Master, is it time for my counterpoint lesson?
LvB : Ries, you worm, go stick your head in my chamber pot and leave us alone.
Ries : As Master wishes.
Schindler : Master, I bring a friend to dinner …
LvB : Who’s that little slob? Looks an odd fellow to me …
Schubert (blushing and stammering) : Master, could you look over these songs?
LvB : Hmm, not bad, you ugly little dog. Where’s my roast veal?
Metternich: Gadzooks, Beethoven! I’ll have you arrested for what you said about me in the Wild Swan last night !
LvB : No you won’t, you still owe me for the “Glorious Moment”, so zip it !
Susan McClary : Give it to me baby, and no phallic encoding this time, geddit?
IB : Hey, bitch, he's mine !

Last edited by Quijote; 10-04-2008 at 09:08 PM.
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Old 10-05-2008, 07:23 PM   #48
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As for most creative people, I would appreciate some feedback about my latest offering. In this way, insolence will be rewarded by special roles being allocated for Act III.
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Old 10-09-2008, 01:55 AM   #49
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As for most creative people, I would appreciate some feedback about my latest offering. In this way, insolence will be rewarded by special roles being allocated for Act III.
I would guess there is more truth to this than not! Now, if I could only compose like Schubert; I'm sure I'll not have any problems on the decomposition end of things.
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Old 11-25-2008, 09:09 PM   #50
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This comedy thread is getting too serious, so here is a very bad joke (which I may have posted before, so bear with me......)

Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a coal shaft?

A. A flat minor


I attach the following icon in anticipation:
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Old 12-16-2008, 04:50 AM   #51
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This comedy thread is getting too serious, so here is a very bad joke (which I may have posted before, so bear with me......)

Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a coal shaft?

A. A flat minor


I attach the following icon in anticipation:
Michael, I must say that I am appalled! My Grandfather worked the coal mines all his life and I find this joke intolerable. Do you know how he died... a faulty explosion in the mine shaft, .
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Old 12-16-2008, 06:01 PM   #52
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Michael, I thought you would have replied by now, so anyway I was just kidding, . Hopefully I got you a little bit!
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Old 12-19-2008, 10:38 AM   #53
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Happy Christmas to all on Beethoven Reference Site,

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Old 12-21-2008, 04:00 PM   #54
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This comedy thread is getting too serious, so here is a very bad joke (which I may have posted before, so bear with me......)

Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a coal shaft?

A. A flat minor


I attach the following icon in anticipation:
And what did a nearby witness say? G, flat minor!
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Old 12-21-2008, 05:52 PM   #55
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And what did a nearby witness say? G, flat minor!
Excellent. I like your compressed syntax, Sorrano.
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Old 12-23-2008, 12:08 AM   #56
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Michael, I thought you would have replied by now, so anyway I was just kidding, . Hopefully I got you a little bit!
Sorry, Preston. I just keep forgetting about this part of the website and that's the only reason I didn't reply! I know you were only joking about the coalmines. Anyway, I like a bit of black humour .....
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Old 12-25-2008, 08:49 PM   #57
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And what did a nearby witness say? G, flat minor!
What did the miner's Yorkshire colleague say?
"Eeeh, flat miner!"

And the Evangelist witness :
"See, flat miner!"
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Old 12-26-2008, 03:21 AM   #58
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What did the miner's Yorkshire colleague say?
"Eeeh, flat miner!"

And the Evangelist witness :
"See, flat miner!"
And that's what you call a flat minor.
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Old 01-18-2009, 02:03 PM   #59
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A fusion between music and humour and probably not to everyone’s' taste but if there are any Tom Lehrer fans out there like me, enjoy!! PS warning - the melody to Masochism tango is one of those that can follow you around and get you whistling on the bus

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=TytGOeiW0aE

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=kjPhFSlhOuQ
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Old 01-21-2009, 08:29 AM   #60
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Old 01-29-2009, 10:31 AM   #61
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Excellent cartoon, Megan. Is that Karajan? (Please add icon thing, the one that shows somebody [me] trying to be humorous).
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Old 01-29-2009, 12:43 PM   #62
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Excellent cartoon, Megan. Is that Karajan? (Please add icon thing, the one that shows somebody [me] trying to be humorous).
No it's Bernstein
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Old 01-30-2009, 10:43 PM   #63
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He's using Sue Perkins' instructions!
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Old 01-31-2009, 07:16 AM   #64
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He's using Sue Perkins' instructions!
Excellent PDG!!
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Old 02-01-2009, 03:00 AM   #65
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I don't get it. What does "Wave Till Hands Music Around Stops" mean?

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Old 02-01-2009, 12:05 PM   #66
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I don't get it. What does "Wave Till Hands Music Around Stops" mean?

You see, Michael, I told you reading and understanding text is an "art". (This comment is meant as a joke, so please add the relevant icon.)

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Old 02-02-2009, 06:03 PM   #67
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Cool

I'm still trying to figure out the Sue Perkins reference. Must be an 'across the pond' referral.
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Old 02-02-2009, 09:06 PM   #68
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Joy, this will shock and amaze you, but it happens to be true. Sue Perkins is probably Britain's best-known conductor. She can neither play nor read a note of music but this trivia seems irrelevant to her current 'fame'.

I kid you not.
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Old 02-02-2009, 10:23 PM   #69
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I'm still trying to figure out the Sue Perkins reference. Must be an 'across the pond' referral.
She won an "X-Factor" type competition called "Maestro" in which a number of celebrities (one of them being David Soul) were given a few quick lessons in conducting and planked in front of an orchestra. Each week, somebody was eliminated and the remaining two had to conduct the first movement of Beethoven's Fifth and a comedian (can we still say comedienne?) called Sue Perkins won. One of the judges was Sir Roger Norrington.
It did have the effect of boosting sales of Beethoven's Fifth for some time after.
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Old 02-03-2009, 05:42 PM   #70
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Cool

Thanks Michael for clearing that up. David Soul from 'Don't Give Up on us Baby' Him I know.
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Old 02-03-2009, 08:27 PM   #71
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Yes, that's the guy. Wasn't he also either Starsky or Hutch?
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Old 02-05-2009, 12:52 AM   #72
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Talking

He was Hutch and I believe Paul Micheal Glasier was Starsky waaaay back in the 70's, where does the time go? Did you also know that David Soul was born in the USA (to quote Bruce Springsteen) and then became a British citizen?
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Old 02-07-2009, 08:17 PM   #73
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As I've had a few glasses of wine, I am going to post a mildly rude limerick. Moderators: feel free to delete.

There was a musican called Gager
Who, as the result of a wager,
Consented to f*rt
The whole oboe part
Of Mozart's Quartet in F major
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Old 02-07-2009, 09:21 PM   #74
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The poor guy must have been busting with those hemidemisemis...
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Old 02-07-2009, 10:37 PM   #75
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Old 02-07-2009, 10:39 PM   #76
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...And probably making that face...
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Old 02-17-2009, 11:25 PM   #77
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Okay - anyone for a Beethovenian "Knock Knock" joke?
Right.

Vienna, 1826.

Schindler: Knock, knock!
Beethoven: -------------
Schindler: Knock, knock!
Beethoven: -------------
Schindler: Knock, knock!

Well, you get the idea .........................(or maybe not).
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Old 02-18-2009, 07:27 AM   #78
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Okay - anyone for a Beethovenian "Knock Knock" joke?
Right.

Vienna, 1826.

Schindler: Knock, knock!
Beethoven: -------------
Schindler: Knock, knock!
Beethoven: -------------
Schindler: Knock, knock!

Well, you get the idea .........................(or maybe not).
Not bad, Michael. May I suggest an improvement?

Schindler : Knock, knock, knock, knooock (ta, ta, ta, taaaa)
Beethoven : ---------

etc etc
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:41 PM   #79
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Not bad, Michael. May I suggest an improvement?

Schindler : Knock, knock, knock, knooock (ta, ta, ta, taaaa)
Beethoven : ---------

etc etc
To which Beethoven might reply (if he could hear): "Ta ta ta TUM".
(He could also plead the Fifth and continue to say nothing.)
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Old 03-13-2009, 11:04 PM   #80
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With regard to recent postings, I say 'hats off' (the Frenchies say 'Chapeau!') to our all-time alliteration amir PDG (I tried PDG, I tried) and pun-on-words master Michael. As to administrator Peter, perhaps one day we can 'break bread' (and make 'artistic' crumbs) over your Bechstein? One can always dream ...

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