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    #31
    A joke for musicians



    A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar.

    The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors."

    So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

    After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat.

    An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

    A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

    An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

    Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

    The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."

    This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel.

    Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.

    The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

    On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

    The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest -- and closes the bar.

    * * *
    🎹

    Comment


      #32
      Very good one Megan!! I have to share this with both of my music teachers LOL

      Comment


        #33
        Even though Megan refuses to speak to me, I must congratulate her for an excellent joke. Would it work for someone of an "atonal" point of view?

        Comment


          #34
          Time then, for one of my "sketches" :

          Vienna, Beethoven's apartment, during a first private rehearsal of op. 127 :

          L v Beethoven : Himself
          Anton Schindler : Peter
          Dr Bach, B's lawyer : Chris
          Schuppanzigh : Philip
          Johanna van B : Megan
          Frau Schnapps, B's housekeeper : Joy
          Immortal Beloved : Angel
          Carl Czerny : Sorrano
          "Papa" Haydn : Hofrat

          Schuppanzigh : Damn, this quartet's a bitch to play!
          LvB : Try taking your violin out of its case, you fat oaf!
          Schindler : Master, I bring hot gossip about ...
          LvB : Shut up, cretin! And stop trying to burn that conversation book!
          Schindler : But Master, it reveals ...
          LvB : Silence, idiot! Bring me some roast veal !
          Schindler : As Master wishes ...
          LvB : That's better. Who's that?
          Dr Bach : Herr Beethoven, I bring news of ...
          LvB : Shut up, you're fired!
          Frau Schnapps : Hey, cloth ears! Give me some money for the shopping. It's market day!
          LvB : Vas?
          Frau Schnapps : I said, cough up the lolly, dolly!
          LvB : Muss es sein?
          Fraus Schnapps : Yeah, yeah, es muss sein. The money, you looney!
          LvB : Foul hag! At least buy us some nice fish and don't try to poison me like you did last time!
          Czerny : Master, this Emperor concerto thing ...
          LvB : Fool, you have cauliflowers for ears !
          Haydn : Really, Ludwig, you really are an unlicked bear !
          LvB : Shut up, you old dog! You never taught me anything!
          Johanna van B : Hello, darling, how about "a quickie" now my husband's dead !
          Immortal Beloved : Bitch ! He's mine !
          LvB : Vas?

          End of act 1
          Last edited by Quijote; 08-30-2008, 12:02 AM.

          Comment


            #35


            I love your short sketch Philip, I'll be looking forward to the next installment. Poor old Johanna, I am sure that Ludwig exaggerated a bit when he cruelly dubbed her 'Queen of the Night'.

            By the way, what do you mean I refuse to speak to you

            .
            Last edited by Megan; 08-30-2008, 09:21 AM.
            🎹

            Comment


              #36
              Originally posted by Megan View Post


              I love your short sketch Philip, I'll be looking forward to the next installment. Poor old Johanna, I am sure that Ludwig exaggerated a bit when he cruelly dubbed her 'Queen of the Night'.

              By the way, what do you mean I refuse to speak to you

              .
              I shall be delighted to provide other acts to my epic play, starring the members of this very forum !

              I thought you weren't speaking to me because you said I was a bully (which I'm not!). Anyway, your joke above was excellent. Any more like that?

              Comment


                #37
                Originally posted by Philip View Post
                I shall be delighted to provide other acts to my epic play, starring the members of this very forum !

                I thought you weren't speaking to me because you said I was a bully (which I'm not!). Anyway, your joke above was excellent. Any more like that?
                I refuse to play the part of Anton Schindler - damn it he was a violinist!!!!!!! The Archduke would be far more fitting though I admit a fortunate lack of physical resemblance.
                'Man know thyself'

                Comment


                  #38
                  Originally posted by Peter View Post
                  I refuse to play the part of Anton Schindler - damn it he was a violinist!!!!!!! The Archduke would be far more fitting though I admit a fortunate lack of physical resemblance.
                  I will allot you another role then, in my next Act.

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Meagan, very good LOL! Beethoven would have enjoyed that joke with all of it's puns.

                    Philip I appreciate you casting me as the houskeeper. I keep a very nice house plus am not above asking for money!
                    'Truth and beauty joined'

                    Comment


                      #40
                      Oh my god that's hilarious philip hehehe "Bitch he's Mine!" hehehahaha

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Nice, Philip! Now, if I could only play like Czerny!

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Originally posted by Sorrano View Post
                          Nice, Philip! Now, if I could only play like Czerny!
                          What, you mean too fast and showy, and with total disrespect of the score? Surely not!

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Originally posted by Philip View Post
                            What, you mean too fast and showy, and with total disrespect of the score? Surely not!
                            Didn't know you were that old to remember having heard Czerny!
                            'Man know thyself'

                            Comment


                              #44
                              Originally posted by Peter View Post
                              Didn't know you were that old to remember having heard Czerny!
                              For your insolence, a very special rôle in the next Act of my epic play. First, like many other creative people, I need to take some "ether" to stimulate my muse. I shall commence now.
                              Last edited by Quijote; 09-19-2008, 03:32 PM. Reason: Trying to find a bottle

                              Comment


                                #45
                                Originally posted by Philip View Post
                                For your insolence, a very special rôle in the next Act of my epic play. First, like many other creative people, I need to take some "ether" to stimulate my muse. I shall commence now.

                                Comment

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