Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Comedy Corner

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    #46
    Whilst my muse is temporarily absent, a little joke poking fun at viola players, who fellow orchestral players will know are not overly intelligent :

    A young up-and-coming professional viola player gets his first taste of orchestral playing, and is sat next to the section's ancient / veteran principle 1st desk viola player.

    At each rehearsal and actual performance, the younger musician notes how the veteran player always follows a certain "ritual", i.e. : he takes out a piece of old and crumpled paper from his breast pocket, reads what is written on it very attentively, refolds the paper and places it back in his pocket, takes his bow and begins to play, as per the conductor's cue.

    This scenario repeats itself over a period of several months whilst the younger player learns to take his position in the orchestra.

    One day, unable to suppress his curiosity, the younger viola player asks the veteran :

    "Why, Herr Schmitt, do you always take out that old bit of paper and read it before you play?"

    Old veteran replies : "Very simple, young man : on the paper are written important instructions".

    "Oh yes?" replies the younger player. "Can I see?"

    Veteran gives paper to younger player. Younger player reads : "Take bow in your right hand. Hold viola with your left hand."

    QED.

    We 'cellists hold violinists in the same esteem, by the way.
    Last edited by Quijote; 09-20-2008, 11:03 PM.

    Comment


      #47
      I feel it is time for the next Act.

      So, Beethoven’s apartment, Vienna, circa 1826 – dinnertime.

      LvB : Himself
      Schuppanzigh (fat violinist) : Philip
      Dr Bach (B’s lawyer) : Chris
      Frau Schnapps (B’s housekeeper) : Joy
      The Immortal Beloved (“IB”) : Angel
      Ries (student) : Dorell
      Clemens von Metternich : Peter
      Schindler (“The Swindler”) : Michael
      Franz Schubert : Sorrano
      Susan McClary (feminist musicologist) : PDG

      Schuppanzigh : Louis, these late quartets are unplayable !
      LvB : Eh? Vot did you say?
      Schindler : Don’t get him started, for the love of Christ !
      LvB : Did you say Christ? Hah, I got him bang to rights in my Missa, nicht war?
      IB : Louis darling, write me a song with guitar accompaniment, will you?
      LvB : Are you kidding !? I haven’t been paid for the bloody Hammerklavier yet ! Hey, Herr Bach, you money-grubbing lawyer, go and sue that bastard Haslinger!
      Dr Bach : With pleasure, Herr Beethoven.
      Frau Schnapps : Dinner is served.
      LvB : Well Gentlemen, let us see what the foul hag has prepared…
      Ries : Master, is it time for my counterpoint lesson?
      LvB : Ries, you worm, go stick your head in my chamber pot and leave us alone.
      Ries : As Master wishes.
      Schindler : Master, I bring a friend to dinner …
      LvB : Who’s that little slob? Looks an odd fellow to me …
      Schubert (blushing and stammering) : Master, could you look over these songs?
      LvB : Hmm, not bad, you ugly little dog. Where’s my roast veal?
      Metternich: Gadzooks, Beethoven! I’ll have you arrested for what you said about me in the Wild Swan last night !
      LvB : No you won’t, you still owe me for the “Glorious Moment”, so zip it !
      Susan McClary : Give it to me baby, and no phallic encoding this time, geddit?
      IB : Hey, bitch, he's mine !
      Last edited by Quijote; 10-04-2008, 09:08 PM.

      Comment


        #48
        As for most creative people, I would appreciate some feedback about my latest offering. In this way, insolence will be rewarded by special roles being allocated for Act III.

        Comment


          #49
          Originally posted by Philip View Post
          As for most creative people, I would appreciate some feedback about my latest offering. In this way, insolence will be rewarded by special roles being allocated for Act III.
          I would guess there is more truth to this than not! Now, if I could only compose like Schubert; I'm sure I'll not have any problems on the decomposition end of things.

          Comment


            #50
            This comedy thread is getting too serious, so here is a very bad joke (which I may have posted before, so bear with me......)

            Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a coal shaft?

            A. A flat minor


            I attach the following icon in anticipation:

            Comment


              #51
              Originally posted by Michael View Post
              This comedy thread is getting too serious, so here is a very bad joke (which I may have posted before, so bear with me......)

              Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a coal shaft?

              A. A flat minor


              I attach the following icon in anticipation:
              Michael, I must say that I am appalled! My Grandfather worked the coal mines all his life and I find this joke intolerable. Do you know how he died... a faulty explosion in the mine shaft, .
              Last edited by Preston; 12-16-2008, 04:54 AM.
              - I hope, or I could not live. - written by H.G. Wells

              Comment


                #52
                Michael, I thought you would have replied by now, so anyway I was just kidding, . Hopefully I got you a little bit!
                - I hope, or I could not live. - written by H.G. Wells

                Comment


                  #53




                  Happy Christmas to all on Beethoven Reference Site,
                  Last edited by Megan; 12-19-2008, 10:46 AM.
                  🎹

                  Comment


                    #54
                    Originally posted by Michael View Post
                    This comedy thread is getting too serious, so here is a very bad joke (which I may have posted before, so bear with me......)

                    Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a coal shaft?

                    A. A flat minor


                    I attach the following icon in anticipation:
                    And what did a nearby witness say? G, flat minor!

                    Comment


                      #55
                      Originally posted by Sorrano View Post
                      And what did a nearby witness say? G, flat minor!
                      Excellent. I like your compressed syntax, Sorrano.

                      Comment


                        #56
                        Originally posted by Preston View Post
                        Michael, I thought you would have replied by now, so anyway I was just kidding, . Hopefully I got you a little bit!
                        Sorry, Preston. I just keep forgetting about this part of the website and that's the only reason I didn't reply! I know you were only joking about the coalmines. Anyway, I like a bit of black humour .....

                        Comment


                          #57
                          Originally posted by Sorrano View Post
                          And what did a nearby witness say? G, flat minor!
                          What did the miner's Yorkshire colleague say?
                          "Eeeh, flat miner!"

                          And the Evangelist witness :
                          "See, flat miner!"

                          Comment


                            #58
                            Originally posted by Philip View Post
                            What did the miner's Yorkshire colleague say?
                            "Eeeh, flat miner!"

                            And the Evangelist witness :
                            "See, flat miner!"
                            And that's what you call a flat minor.

                            Comment


                              #59
                              A fusion between music and humour and probably not to everyone’s' taste but if there are any Tom Lehrer fans out there like me, enjoy!! PS warning - the melody to Masochism tango is one of those that can follow you around and get you whistling on the bus

                              http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=TytGOeiW0aE

                              http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=kjPhFSlhOuQ
                              Love from London

                              Comment


                                #60



                                🎹

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X